It has certainly been a long time since I last posted... two whole terms and a bit more. Partly it was because I was busy and also partly because I was going through a, I guess I would call an 're-evaluation' period of my life. It started with a conflict that happened during the summer between me and a very dear friend of mine and it hurt me alot deeper then I even realized (we're good now, no worries =] ). During the summer was also a transition time into a new relationship and for the first time I felt so exposed to people's opinion (even though I know many had really good intentions). Inevitably, when you start a relationship, your friendships with certain other people change. Not that you have really changed, but people may see you differently and drift away from you. That really made me question who were my friends and what is the definition of a friend? I felt the need to keep people at a further distance from me and to just observe.

In the summer was also the time when I had to study for the OAT and there many uncertainties about the future. All these factors came together and made me really reflect on where my IDENTITY was found. If all my family and friends left me, who would I be? If I lost all my knowledge, my education, my talents - who would I be? It is clear that your identity cannot be found in people, friends or family, because people can come and go. Neither can it be based on your education, your knowledge, or your skills. The only place that my identity could be found is in our never changing God.

Yesturday I was talking to my friend and he told me to read the cover of this cd (mercyme) and when I read it, it really spoke what was on my heart in this past while. One of the band members wrote about how we can not live up to the expectations to the people around us, but God does not require us to live up to certain expectations. He just wants us to live a life that reflects His love, His grace, and His righteousness. That is certainly what I long for. There is no way I can ever live up to people's expectations of what career I pursue, what marks I get, who my friends are, who I date, how I present myself... but the best thing is that I don't have to.

Something About You
Where, where do I begin
How do I say what's on my heart with paper and a pen
How, how can I describe...
The God of all the universe and make it rhyme
I just wonder if it's worth
Painting You with so few words
Oh, with so few words

Still there's something about You
That keeps me in pursuit of who You are
I will spend my days, finding ways to praise
The glory and the grace of who You are

Why, why do I even try
If I could speak the tongue of every man I'm still tongue-tied
What can I say about You
When everything I have won't do
Oh, it will not do
That keeps me in pursuit of who You are
I will spend my days, finding ways to praise
The glory and the grace of who You are

As long as life runs through my veins
I will live to praise Your name
And if a hundred years I live
I won't even scrtch, I won't even scratch the surface
That keeps me in pursuit of who You are
I will spend my days, finding ways to priase
The glory and the grace of who You are
Coming Up to Breath - Mercyme

There's something about track number 4 on cds... ends up usually being my favorite song...
and a thanks to a very dear older brother for the cd :)