* a m e z *

People Do Not Like Change

2007-06-16T07:50:00.000-07:00

I read that somewhere today. It replayed in the back of my mind throughout the day. People do not like change. It's funny that we like to say things like 'I want to change into a better person' but in fact, we're scared of change, we're too comfortable to change.

Makes me think... what is there in my life that I should change but I'm too scared to change? What is there that should be changed but I'm too comfortable to change?

Crossroads

2007-05-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

In the past little while I've really been feeling like I'm at crossroads in many aspects of my life. In school, in what I would do this summer... God has really been challenging me to grow in faith and trust. While it would be nice to know the future and see how everything works out, there is a beauty to this uncertainty because it reminds me that I'm still in need of a Saviour. There's a verse that I've read many times and memorized but it has meant alot more to me lately...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

It's comforting to know that God has a plan for us, and not only a plan but one that gives you hope and a future. One of the challenges to grow in my faith was my decision to go to China this summer. As some of you may know, I'll be going with an organization called English Language Institute/China (ELIC) that sends out Christian college students to teach English to Chinese high school students for five weeks. God really urged me to take that step of faith - to first seek for His will for my life and trust that He would provide all that I need.

"So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father know that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." matthew 6:31-33

This verse really affirmed and encouraged me to grow in my faith and go on this trip this summer. I'm really excited for the plans God has in store :) If you would like to know more about my trip or would like to support me, feel free to talk to me anytime or leave me a comment!

It has been nice to be back home! On tuesday and wednesday, me and my parents went on a little family trip to niagra falls. I really enjoyed it, maybe cuz I haven't been on a trip with my parents for a long time. On the way there I started reading a book called "The Myth of You & Me" by Leah Stewart. I continued to read it whenever we were driving, when we were at the hotel and I finished it before I went to bed :p I liked the book. It was about two childhood best friends who grew up and because of an incident stopped being friends. The story begins with one of them, who's now in their twenties, tracing back to their childhood in search of their childhood best friend. The story was very nostalgic and there was a hint of sadness and regret through out the entire story. Being an extremely nostalgic and sentimental person I am, it really made me think about my life, if there were any regrets and about my childhood best friends that have stuck with me until this day. Three of my closest friends came to my mind, and I guess my one regret would be not having acknowledged them enough for how important they were in my childhood and now, how they've influenced me to become who I am, and how much they mean to me.

Amanda - I thought of you first, because when I think of my childhood you're in so many of my memories. I saw you almost everyday from grade two until grade eight :p Growing up together, learning things together, playing imaginary games together... though we go to different schools and are pursuing different things in life now, everytime I do see you I still feel the same around you. I'm glad about that because true friends stand the test of time :)

Michelle - I still remember when I sat beside you in grade one! We certainly did alot of growing up together, and our friendship has gone through many ups and downs to become what it is now. I'm so glad to have found a friend who understands me and in some ways so similar to me that we can be stupid together :p You have been such an encouragment to me, watching you mature and grow in your walk with God.

Hannah - miss iluvcdguy :p I don't know how to describe you. I've never met someone before that thought so similarly to me! and I know that was what brought us to be best friends :) I'll continue to finish your sentences for you, and we'll be silly grandmothers one day reminiscing about our 'youthful' days... wait a minute... we already do that quite often :p Thanks hannah, for always believing in me :)

2007-02-16T14:54:00.000-08:00

It has certainly been a long time since I last posted... two whole terms and a bit more. Partly it was because I was busy and also partly because I was going through a, I guess I would call an 're-evaluation' period of my life. It started with a conflict that happened during the summer between me and a very dear friend of mine and it hurt me alot deeper then I even realized (we're good now, no worries =] ). During the summer was also a transition time into a new relationship and for the first time I felt so exposed to people's opinion (even though I know many had really good intentions). Inevitably, when you start a relationship, your friendships with certain other people change. Not that you have really changed, but people may see you differently and drift away from you. That really made me question who were my friends and what is the definition of a friend? I felt the need to keep people at a further distance from me and to just observe.

In the summer was also the time when I had to study for the OAT and there many uncertainties about the future. All these factors came together and made me really reflect on where my IDENTITY was found. If all my family and friends left me, who would I be? If I lost all my knowledge, my education, my talents - who would I be? It is clear that your identity cannot be found in people, friends or family, because people can come and go. Neither can it be based on your education, your knowledge, or your skills. The only place that my identity could be found is in our never changing God.

Yesturday I was talking to my friend and he told me to read the cover of this cd (mercyme) and when I read it, it really spoke what was on my heart in this past while. One of the band members wrote about how we can not live up to the expectations to the people around us, but God does not require us to live up to certain expectations. He just wants us to live a life that reflects His love, His grace, and His righteousness. That is certainly what I long for. There is no way I can ever live up to people's expectations of what career I pursue, what marks I get, who my friends are, who I date, how I present myself... but the best thing is that I don't have to.

Something About You
Where, where do I begin
How do I say what's on my heart with paper and a pen
How, how can I describe...
The God of all the universe and make it rhyme
I just wonder if it's worth
Painting You with so few words
Oh, with so few words

Still there's something about You
That keeps me in pursuit of who You are
I will spend my days, finding ways to praise
The glory and the grace of who You are

Why, why do I even try
If I could speak the tongue of every man I'm still tongue-tied
What can I say about You
When everything I have won't do
Oh, it will not do
That keeps me in pursuit of who You are
I will spend my days, finding ways to praise
The glory and the grace of who You are

As long as life runs through my veins
I will live to praise Your name
And if a hundred years I live
I won't even scrtch, I won't even scratch the surface
That keeps me in pursuit of who You are
I will spend my days, finding ways to priase
The glory and the grace of who You are
Coming Up to Breath - Mercyme

There's something about track number 4 on cds... ends up usually being my favorite song...
and a thanks to a very dear older brother for the cd :)

2006-04-23T15:20:00.000-07:00

wow. this is unreal. i'm done my exams.

it's definetly been awhile since i blogged... this term has been quite tiring i must say. from calculus to having two exams back to back on the last day of exams... it's been a rough term. but now when i look back i'm just filled with gratefulness for all the people that have been so willing to help when i'm struggling be that in school, or other parts of my life... for being able to grow with friends i can call my brothers and sisters... for the conversations that goes beyond the surface... for friends that have been feeding me and taking care of me over exams :p

after my last exam, i felt so heavy hearted. i was so busy studying before, but after my last exam i realized so many people were gone already. and i never really got a chance to spend time with them and say a proper goodbye. well, i guess there's no need to say 'goodbye' because i really do want to make the effort to keep up with people. i always felt like nothings gonna change cuz i'll be back in the summer anyways but it didn't hit me that not everyone's here. (haha... i know, the world revolves around me!)

today going back to rhccc i felt really distant... maybe because not everyone's back yet.. but to those i saw... i felt somewhat like a stranger to them. i know them. i know their personalities, their tempers, where they live... but beyond that... it makes me wonder how it's gonna be like when school is over for good, and i come back home. mmm... i don't want to think abt it :p

so... on a lighter note, i'm very excited for this summer. This summer i'll be in waterloo doing research for a professor... details to wat i'm supposed to do? no idea :p i'm quite excited cuz being in waterloo over the summer means i can do so much stuff that i've wanted to do over the school year but hvn't had time to... i can help out in ccf more, i can do volunteering, i can study for the OAT (the optometry test)... well, studying for the OAT isn't that exciting but i will try at least.

now that exams are over... the anticipation is gone... and i don't really know wat to do. it's like i need to learn how to relax again :p... gahhh... my parents are playing very old music rite now... ahhhh... it's making me feel so old! and it's raining outside... this is so sad. lol.. not my parent's listening to the music.. but it's making me feel so sad. okay.. can't stand this anymore... signing off!

oh, i'll be here til april 30... so plan me up, kiddos!

2006-03-02T11:34:00.000-08:00

Your love on the cross,
The price that it cost,
What else could I do,
But to bow to you?

In awe of Your grace,
In awe of Your love,
I will seek for Your face
and give You all my Praise.

For I have been found in Your embrace,
Your love so amazing, no words could explain.
My prayer, and my cry is to love You more.
My Lord, here is my all.

The light to my path,
Who carries me through.
Who stands by my side,
And says, "I love you"

Your nail pierced hands,
Your nail pierced feet,
Speaks of Your love,
For all etenity.

- Ames

In a thoughtful mood

2006-03-02T10:32:00.000-08:00

A Flame Being Fizzled
So, I was thinking yesturday what has happened during this term? It seems that stress and tiredness has plagued this term... remembering back to the beginning of the term, I told myself: I will not let calculus ruin my term. Yet, that was exactly what that course had been doing... haha, or maybe I just blame everything bad on it :P. Thinking about it, i realized i had fallen into the trap... the trap of being too busy to spend time with God. The trap of discouragments so you ask for less, instead of more. Like water sprinkling over a flame... fizzling it.

Duck Tales
On the way to class everyday I pass by this little creek by some townhouses. I've just come to really enjoy passing that area because of how scenic it is. Well, some days after it rains the water in the creek doesn't look that pleasant, but on other days it's so beautiful that I just stop and watch. The most entertaining part is the ducks... which are there even now, though not regualarly. The other day I saw a duck sitting on the half frozen ice sleeping... When it was warmer sometimes there will be duck couples floating along. And one time, there was a duck fight which was pretty funny. Sometimes when I come home from night labs I'll hear the evil duck cackle. The most beautiful scene is after snow falls, how the snow sits on top of the branches... the ice formed on top of the water, and seeing water flow in areas that hadn't frozen yet. Oh, just how beautiful and perfect God made everything!

Experimental Errors
haha... so to add onto the randomness of this blog...
I don't know why, but it seems that none of the labs this term has been going quite right!
For example:
- the set up of equipment in our biochem lab is always really weird. For some reason we're always straining to read numbers on pH meters, or struggling to pour substances into beakers. And I look around and everyone else's equipment setup is perfectly fine... lol
- we have a squirt bottle that doesn't squirt just from the mouth but also from the holes on the sides! Great, we can wash our lab coats.
- according to the stethoscope (what doctors use to hear the heartbeat), we're all dead because none of use have a heart beat. ugh, cheap equipment.
- lack of agreement between the TAs and the lab coordinator = chaos. Coordinator tells us we're behind, you need to put your test tubes into the water bath now. TAs come along and ask why you have only some in the water bath and some not - you should put them all in at the same time. Either way--> loss of subjective marks... Why can't they discuss things and agree?!

There's definetly more than that... just can't think of anymore right now, lol.

amy, let it go

2006-02-11T06:47:00.000-08:00

I feel so mentally, emotionally, and physically drained right now. That calc midterm last night really took it all out of me... ugh! I will try to stop thinking about it... amy, just let it go... open up you fist and let it go... I haven't even recovered from the blow last night but I have to move on to study for my next midterm... I need time to do some damage control. Funny how marks, these two digit numbers (or three if you're really smart and hopefully not one, lol) can be such a big deal... just numbers. Sigh, to add on to my night of damped spirit I lost my favorite ring that miss chiu got me... well, i'm happy that someone found it at the end... but it got stepped on so now flat and broken =( ... well, i guess i could make it into a pendant or something... ok, enough sulking. I must say I'm very thankful for friends who really care, for shoulders to cry on, and arms that embrace me... it means alot to me, thanks for carrying a crippled spirit last nite.

daisy give yourself away
look up at the rain, the beautiful display of power and surrender
giving us today when she gives herself away
she comes down easy on rich and debt the same when
she gives herself away

let it go, daisy let it go
open up your fist this fallen world
doesn't hold your interest, it doesn't hold your soul
daisy let it go

pain, give yourself a name, call yourself contrition, avarice or shame
giving isn't easy, neither is the rain and she gives herself away
daisy why another day, why another sunrise, who will take the blame
for all redemptive motive and every rainy day
He gives himself away
let it go, daisy let it go
let it go...

oh switchfoot, how your words never fail to amaze me

2006-01-13T11:09:00.000-08:00

Second week back and i'm already quite busy, thanks to calculus which i'm so lost in. lol, however, i am hopeful that it'll get better. It's a slow process learning to enjoy school and keeping my priorities straight.

Something that has been bothering me is that i've noticed as we grow older we put less and less efforts into giving each other gifts. So many times for birthdays and christmas the 'gift' was treating people for dinner, a drink, or go to the mall and pick out something you want. I really enjoy that too and personally i give people 'gifts' like that too =P... but at the same time i really do miss the pleasent surprise of recieving a neatly wrapped gift and wondering wat's inside... oh the anticipation! haha... Another thing that bothers me is when people say 'oh sorry, i forgot your present at home'. of course they never actually end up remembering and you're left to forever wonder what it was. So there's a few possibilities of why you don't end up recieving it: one, is that they never really got you anything but was too embarassed to say so. two, you were so important in their lives that they really forgot to give you your present (pardon my sarcasm, lol) and three, (this one really hurts) they got you a present but for some 'reason' decides against giving it to you (perhaps deciding they want it for themselves!). haha... And then, (we all at some point have done this, let's admit it) the giving of completely useless items that will fall forever into the gift recycle. This case happens mostly during christmas, you open the gift with great anticipation and expectation only to find something you wonder if they just took out from their basement... this is fine when it's from an aquaintance but it does hurt when friends do that to you... of course we'll give them the benenfit of the doubt that they didn't recycle another gift and did, in fact, really think that you'll like it.

I have been recently battling again the common misconceptions that i have grown up accustomed to... well, actually since i turned 19. Before my 19th birthday i had never felt 'old' before, and then it hit me right after my 19th bday that next yr i'll be turning the 'big' 2-0!! But when i thought abt it turning 20 is actually not old at all... at least i really don't feel that much different from when i came out of high school... i still feel like the same ackward teenager i was in high school. I think there's this misconception (at least for kids) that when you go off to university and you turn a certain age you are, voila, an adult! When i was a kid i thought university was so so so so far away... so far that i'll never really reach it. And i thought when people reached a certain age they'll be so independent... haha, of course in gr.2 i also thought that kids in gr.6 were so much older and smarter than me. Now as a sit here in the middle of my second year i realize that we're not old at all... i'm still so dependent on my parents. This is THE time of my life where i will be open to so many doors of opportunities and be able to learn the most, both in books and in life. Learning to treasure every moment.

2005-12-21T17:25:00.000-08:00

The long postponed entry... wow, i cannot believe that another term has passed. Exams have been dragged out so long... and i anticipated this day for so long, but for some reason now that i'm finally done i don't actually know how to feel. Like how frodo journeyed so far and puts all his energy into one thing - to destroy the ring. And when the ring is finally destroyed, it's sorta like, wat now? Can I return to the shire unchanged? haha... maybe I'm going too far with the analogy but you get wat i mean. I think i'm deprived of vitD from hermiting away locked up in our apartment for exams... lol.

I must say that it has been quite an enjoyable term =) Just so much random small things, 'spontaneous' trips, and talks have really made my term. I'm so glad that although I was really busy during the term I learned to enjoy it and not stress out too much over it. Everytime I felt overwhelmed by work somehow I managed... God carried me through. Oh my... and the girls i live with are so great... from acting stupid in front of each other to staying up late talking to encouraging each other when we're down. I'm looking forward to another term... continuing to learn to put God first above family, friends, and school. Funny how school can get such a grip of us at times, and funny how when we do hv spare time we just want to spend that time with other people and God somehow just gets pushed back in our priorities.

Now, wat to do during my limited 10 days of Christmas holidays? haha... i hv to go shopping!!! i hv waited to long and so patiently. Spend time with my mommy and daddy... catch up with ppl.. so excited!

2005-11-09T12:12:00.000-08:00

Three days into my nineteenth year. Thank you for remembering... thank you for investing in a friend like me. I didn't hv much expectations for my birthday cuz i had midterms to study for and everyone was so busy... but u guys still managed to surprise me and made me feel extra special!

the 'oh, so important' first legal drink. lol.

There's so many people I wish I could hv spent my birthday with, but everyone's all over the place... in toronto, kingston, london... but that's ok. i felt ur presence and love over the phone and msn! lol.

akward question

2005-10-19T16:27:00.000-07:00

Bumping into someone who I haven't talked to for a long time.

Me: Hey! It's been a long time... how are things going?
Acquaintance: Not bad, not bad... me and my boyfriend etc. etc. etc.

(several minutes after surface talk)

Acquaintance: So... do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No, I don't
....
Acquaintance: Well, why don't you?
Me: (err........)

Now, exactly what kind of question is that? An offensive one? Yes. I don't like the implications of this question... lol.

It bothers me that our lives are constantly being measured against these things. I want more then this in my life. Why have we become satisfied with so little? I'm tired of mediocrity. I'm tired of being okay. I'm tired of the facade people wear. I'm tired of caring what others think.
Oh switchfoot, you never fail to express how i feel...

"... Everyone's a lost romantic, since our love became a kissing show.
Everyone's a casanova, come and pass me the mistletoe
Everyone's been scared to death of dying here alone
She is easier than love, is easier than life. It's easier to fake and smile and bribe
It's easier to leave. It's easier to lie.
It's harder to face ourselves at night, feeling alone..."
Easier than love - switchfoot

God, take my life and make it more! I am so desperate for more of you. I'm desperate for a life of boldness, of fearlessness... to not be afraid to be who i am, to say how i feel and share what i believe in. Make my life like living music, full of emotion, full of expressions.

childhood memories relived

2005-10-01T19:56:00.000-07:00

Yesturday my childhood memories got dug up. I met the boy who went to my elementary school, ramer wood, who me and amanda used to play with. He was a year younger than us and he just left one year in gr6. Just gone. I always wondered where he went; we had fun playing together. It just so happened he goes to waterloo now and so happened that he went to ccf. After ccf i was talking to some froshies and it so happened he joined the group just as i was leaving. Thanks to his amazingly good memory he recognized me when he saw my name tag and called after me. I didn't even know he was talking to me, i thought he was calling another amy, lol. It was quite awesome, i mean, what are the chances of meeting someone you havn't seen for like 6/7 yrs and by chance be able to meet at a university of thousands of people, and so happens to go to ccf, and so happens to recognize you after years of change? It was very awesome, and very rare for something like this to happen. For people to be in a same place at a same time it's something we take for granted alot of the times. I remember I had a high school teacher who took a pic with every single class she had because she said after this course none of these same people would be in the same room at the same time again.

wow, ramer wood. i need to go and visit one day, hv not gone back since the last day of gr8. there's so many people i wish i hv their contact just to know what they're doing now, how they turned out. kids you play with in your childhood are special, the memories are very strong... i rmb during recess in the winter we pretended we lived in antarctica and that the place was called 'Itkaluit', lol. We all had some sort of native names, it was so much fun. i rmb playing with 'yellow' snow, lol. i rmb picking pedals of this flower and sucking the honey on the end. prob wasn't very clean, but it tasted good! i rmb the wooden playground which is replaced by plastic now b/c it is 'unsafe'. i rmb playing with rocks and sand. i rmb playing with squishy things beneath the table (that was gum). i rmb getting bullied. lol. they were good times.

Oh almost forgot to mention the name of the boy who one day disappeared from my school is Tim Ng. If you happen to have gone to ramer wood and happen to stumble across my blog please leave your contact! the chance is so small but then again what were the chances of meeting up with tim again?

So, not too much happening... school, essay, lab reports, midterms... all the norm... been really wanting to play piano the last few days. I wish the piano room wasn't so far and wasn't always booked! Music is something i enjoy so much but just seems like i havn't been doing much with it lately... i'm torn once again about optometry school. everyone tells me that i have to apply second yr or else it'll be very hard to get in in third yr. but i don't hv enough time to complete all my required courses! well, technically i can but that'll be really difficult and i'm no where near ready to do my OAT. I don't even know how to apply to opt! Where am i gonna get my references? An autobiography? you kidding me? so yeah. second yr is pretty out of the question... i guess just let God guide me. I would enjoy teaching i think... but then i wish i went to Western for music teaching. To be a music teacher would have been so much fun... like, not a piano teacher but a real band 'conductor' that would've been cool. Of course, then again alot of pressure comes with that. See my problem is that i'm constantly torn between my creative and technical/logical side. I'm not technical and logical enough to be super smart in the sciences... but i'm not a very out there arts person. Maybe that's why they say i'm not a right or left brain, i use both sides equally... that also proves why making decisions is so difficult for me, lol.

Life Unlimited

2005-09-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

Here I am back in waterloo, in my new apartment/condo (the landlord advertised it as a condo but it's really an apartment, lol)! I'm starting to settle into this new place. I like it here, alot more homey then living in rez. There's a mix of feelings seeing all the frosh... remembering how when i first moved in everything just kinda went in a blur... it didn't feel real. Wow, time just goes by so quickly... another summer gone, another milestone in life. I just really hope that in this yr i'll really learn how to live an unlimited life. To really seize every opportunity, learn to dream, and to use all my skills and abilities to serve God.

It's been a good summer... a much more 'educational' summer then all the other ones i've had. Maybe cuz i had four months i really felt i needed to do something... to work, to use my time being productive. For the first two months i wasn't doing much... just doing some volunteering. But it was in that time that i really had to learn to just 'be still', to spend time with God and i'm still learning. It was also during that time that i really felt the urge to connect back with my high school friends. It seemed to me at the time such a small goal, but God really works through the small things. Just hanging out with old friends makes a difference in one another's lives cuz friendships are so easily lost when we decide we need to 'move on' in our lives. I was glad i took the initiative to talk to my high school friends cuz God opened a door of opportunity for me to share my faith with one of them.

Working at wonderland got me to see alot of different people, and learning how to deal with people. It was definetly a learning experience, people wise. Dealing with ridiculous guests really developed a firmer character in me and the job of rides operator really pushed me out of my bubble. It wasn't a difficult job... except for the scorching heat and rude people... but i learned alot from it. On my last day of work i felt sad saying goodbye to everyone... i didn't expect to be sad cuz i wanted to finish work and just hv fun before school started. It was the thought, i guess, that none of our crew will ever meet again with everyone in it. I wasn't tight with everyone but i felt like i was just starting to get to know some of the crew in a deeper level. When i finished work and left wonderland for good it was like a small chapter of my life just ended.

And now going on to second yr, another chapter, another story is just about to begin.

2005-08-20T15:53:00.000-07:00

i want to change this to be my profile pic but it's not working! Ah! so fustrating!!!

2005-08-15T13:59:00.000-07:00

wow, I can't believe how fast this summer is passing by... I don't feel ready to go back yet! I've been really bad at updating but not too much has been happening, just work. But work at wonderland is quite interesting, lol. The other day this middle aged guy came up to the train ride and he didn't seem to speak english. I opened the gate for him to get on a train and he gives me a hug, i was like okay... but it wasn't rude it was more like he was trying to show appreciation but i like i need my space. So i secure the train and was about to dispatch it and he takes out his hand so i'm like okay i'll just shake it. So i shake his hand and then he kisses it and i was like 'ahhhhh, wat just happened?!' i was kinda freaked out... at first i thought it was maybe some kind of cultural thing since it didn't seem like he spoke english, but apparently it happened to another one of my coworkers. Prob the same guy, but this time he kissed her on the cheek and whispered in her ear 'beautiful lady'... so freaky. eww.

2005-06-26T15:19:00.000-07:00

I am amazingly bad at keeping my blog up to date! Hmm... where to start? well, i found a job as ride operator at wonderland so praise God! something to do for the rest of the summer... hope i'll pick up things fast. The bad thing is that it'll be difficult to volunteer at the optometrist's office, but anyway i didn't really enjoy it there. I was actually abit bitter abt that place but at the same time it was a good learning experience so i'm not gonna complain anymore, lol. Kids are growing up so fast these days, i can't believe that the day camp kids i taught are getting so big! I just realized how much fun and how great it was doing day camp for the past summers... it was definetly a blessing to have had that opportunity to serve cuz finding a real life job with that much fulfillment and fun is not easy. The other day i really felt like Charlie Brown... he's a good guy but things just don't seem to go his way. He plays baseball but keeps losing... BUT he's not a loser because if he was he would just give up. I like charlie brown, it'll be great to hv a dog like snoopy hehe... and not hv to grow up! i was bored the other day so i drew a cartoon of myself if i was to be in the "Peanuts" hehe... i'll post it up some time when my scanner will work!

Parousia Retreat

2005-05-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile since i last updated, i admit i've been abit lazy since i came home lol. the parousia retreat this wknd was really good. i was encouraged to see that others wanted to make parousia into something more and that parousia is growing. Parousia is the university fellowship at my church and for some time they had trouble getting ppl to go. since alot of ppl are out of town it's expected that less ppl go to parousia during the yr, but for some reason even when ppl come back still not alot of ppl went. some went back to help out in agape or basic, the high school fellowships and i guess because of this ppl weren't attracted to go since their friends weren't there. i was very glad that most of my grade did decide to go to parousia and just by going to parousia it's making a difference b/c more ppl are willing to come.

the place we went to was called the Ontario Pioneer Camp. it was really pretty there, they had a lake and we got to go canoeing... it was really funny cuz our canoe never went straight! we travelled by going left and right, left and right.. lol. everything was good except for the mosquitos! they were everywhere!!! oh i feel so itchy rite now, lol. i had a funny feeling when i came home last nite. i went to the retreat without much expectations and untroubled. untroubled in terms of my relationship with others. but when i came home i felt troubled... i realized that there were a lot of of friendships that i decided to disconnect myself from. alot of friendships from high school and elementary school that i never really made a good effort to keep up with. frienships i decided to be cold to because of silly conflicts. it bothered me to see that i stopped caring for some of them and that i didn't make myself available to them. so i'm going to start trying now, my mission to connect with those i've disconnected with and to build up courage to confront those who i've lost confidence in. i guess during my first university yr i've been very busy worrying abt myself and that prevented me from caring abt others.

memories

2005-04-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

I can not believe that my frosh year has already come to an end. I'm really gonna miss it, it's been such an awesome year. It feels like there isn't much of a closure to the year tho... everyone finishes their exams and leaves to go home. You see the rooms go empty one by one... it was sad, especially when my roommate, sarah, left. I know that we complain abt caf food and 'funny' things do happen when a thousand university students live together in a building. But i love the convenience of caf food... not looking forward to cooking next yr, lol. i love the way that i can turn around to talk and laugh with sarah. i love the way i can walk done the hall and ask a homework question. i love the freedom and independence. I never expected to come to enjoy waterloo this much. I really wonder how i will feel at the end of my last term, if two terms can already make so many fond memories.
These eight months has seemed so short but then again when i think of all the work i've done, it really has been awhile. i guess i feel a lil sad knowing that even when we start school again in sept it's not gonna be quite the same. But then i'm excited for the place we're living next yr too. Sarah (wong... not my roommate), Jane, and i found an apartment on the 'westside' lol! when we went to see that place all of us was like... this is the one. i'm glad too that my roommate, sarah, will also be living in an apartment near by so we can still see each other!
Feels so weird being at home. i've lost my addiction to tv. when i'm wasting time i always feel like i need to do something else... like study. haha, the night that all our exams were over we were just hanging out and we were gonna watch 'pretty woman' (is it plural?... ahhhhhhhh, see wat i mean?! i'm still in such a nerdy mode!) and jane was like... i need to study or memorize something, i see lyrics, i need to memorize them, lol. there's no one incident that i can say that made my experience at waterloo wonderful because it was just everthing... mostly in the small things. such a change from the beginning when i got homesick and questioning whether i should be in preopt or not, to now... i'm sure i'll miss home next yr too, but i'm glad to say waterloo has become a second home to me. it's really been a good time.
my roomie, sarah, and I... it's a mustache, just in case you can't see it =p.

2005-04-22T16:44:00.000-07:00

rev north B 301a

Beautiful

2005-03-30T00:29:00.000-08:00

Such a beautiful day today. When I was a kid, well i'm sorta still am lol, this would have been one of those days i would go out biking after dinner or just sit by the window and read. i read alot when i was a kid but now it seems like there's never quite enough time. i love reading, not to analyze it or anything but just for the pleasure of living a fiction life for a brief moment. It feels so much like summer, and that just brought back so many of my last summer's memories. I cannot believe that this year is close to over... I still remember last summer so well, so well... Its funny, now that its almost time to go home i don't feel ready. I want more of my frosh year! lol... i spent some time reading over my old journal entries and looking at photos and i realized how much my life as changed over this year, and how i have changed. i remember coming here and getting homesick at the beginning, but now it's become my home. i guess its been a bitter sweet journey. When i went home for easter i found that it was like everyone picks up from where they left off... yet, not exactly either but close. We all change over time, very lil but small changes in perspective, in priorities (of course, God and family will always come first!). hmm... i think that's all i wanted to say. The weather today has put me into my 'thoughtful' mode... haha... gotta stop day dreaming! Get to work amy!

2005-03-20T10:23:00.000-08:00

autographs

2005-03-20T10:18:00.000-08:00

jane, me and starfield!

starfield concert

2005-03-19T09:42:00.000-08:00

wow, yesturday was such an adventure! lol... after classes yesturday we (me, sarah, jane and binh) went house hunting. Still looking for a place for next year, hopefully we'll find a place we all like very soon. The biggest problem is distance... we've seen some places that were okay but just too far. It was funny cuz one of the houses we looked at took us about 15-20min to get there, so we asked the people who were living there now how long it usually takes them to get to school and if there was a shortcut. And the guy who was showing us around the house told us it usually takes him abt 13min to get to MC... AND that he doesn't walk fast either. lol, so we decided to see if we could make it back onto campus in 13min. While we were fastwalking we decided to walk through the waterloo park so we ended up cutting through the forest. When we finally got out of the forest in 20 min we could just see south campus hall and we still weren't even on campus yet! lol... so that's wat we spent our afternoon doing.

Jane and I then went to the starfield concert at heritage college... oh my, the world is so small. We took a cab to cfc and we met the youth paster, joe. It wasn't until we got there and joe asked us wat church we went to in toronto that we found out that joe was one of jim's college buddies. (jim is the youth pastor at rhccc, the church i go to back at home). And there's still more, on the way home we found out he spoke at ccf... but both me and jane couldn't recognize him cuz he looked so so so different. Now onto the highlight! The starfield concert was really good, i had so much of fun! We stood at the front which was great for taking pics but cuz the speakers were faced outward it was a lil hard to hear. We got there autographs and took a quick pic with them... hehe... very happy.
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/88/2260/640/starfield%20021.jpg

2005-03-19T09:32:00.000-08:00

charity ball ticket

Charity Ball

2005-03-18T22:01:00.000-08:00

So last saturday i went to the charity ball and it was alot of fun!... funny i'm writing abt it a almost a week later, been a busy busy week. Anyway, I got to get prettied up and got to where my prom dress again so that was definetly the highlight, lol! I think the fun part of going to formals is really the process of dressing up and taking pictures with everyone. The turnout was pretty good for the charity ball... we were a bit worried when tickets were still selling up to the day but there was a good amount of people to fill the dance floor! hehe... so here are more pics

2005-03-18T21:55:00.000-08:00

karen, me, and hannah

2005-03-08T11:34:00.000-08:00

Wow... it's been quite a while since i last wrote... hmmm, hard to really summerize everything that's happened. I guess lately i've been disappointed at my midterm marks cuz i worked really hard and it just isn't paying off. The thing i don't like abt uni is that sometimes it seems like it depends on your luck more than anything else. If your 'lucky' you can go into a multiple choice exam and do really well... ah well... learning to deal with it. I guess it's always a struggle cuz i want to get into optometry, but at the same time the chances seem so slim. Just learning to leave it in God's hand, perhaps i wasn't meant for optometry but for, in God's eyes, a bigger and better plan. So often people measure their worth against their profession, possessions, and appearance but that's not what we're meant to be measured against. I trully wish to live a life fulfilled doing what God has planned for me than to wander around aimlessly. Anyway, just hope i'll be able to do better on my finals. Other than that things have been going well. I'm very excited cuz this sat is the charity ball, and i get to wear my prom dress again! lol... and on a even more exciting note, i'm going to a STARFIELD concert! well, hopefully since i hvn't even bought the ticket yet... lol.

Here are some beauty tips from Audrey Hepburn... lol:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

2005-01-30T12:15:00.000-08:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! the bus to go to cfc today came five minutes early! i was walking leisurely thinking i've got lots of time and then i turn the corner onto columbia and i see the bus already there, so i start running and the bus starts driving away! and so in desperation i call a friend who had a car but they said they couldn't wake up to go to church, meanwhile the bus from slc drove rite past me! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! If i didn't talk on the phone i could have caught the bus!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It's okay amy... haha. So i spent this morning in quiet time, it was nice just to be quiet, to be still. The last time i spent this much time reflecting and just being still was during the summer agape retreat. We spend so much time always hurrying here and there, and trying to meet deadlines but God just wants us to be still b/c He's in control. i'm reading a book called 'a childlike heart' that i borrowed from hannah. It was saying how as kids we didn't worry abt things because we knew that our parents had it all planned. As we grow up we start depending on ourselves and when we don't have control we start worrying, but in fact God has everything under control.

Yesturday i got to go swimming! It was so much fun cuz i haven't swam for a long time. So, here i was doing the back crawl and i by accident hit this guy cuz u know how u can't see anything behind u when u're floating belly up. It was really funny cuz he thought i was drowning... oh boy, wat impressions i make.... haha... Oh yeah, to add on to how stupid i looked, i broke the elastic part on my goggles too... haha... It was alot of fun though, me and hannah tried to see who could hold our breath the longest, it was just fun doing random stuff like that.

Last nite i couldn't sleep cuz there were a bunch on drunk guys that were sitting rite in front of my door! I was so ticked off cuz they were ripping stuff off the walls too... they ripped my birthday flower off the door and also a pic of me and my roommate. wat a bunch of losers! grrrr... they also broke chairs inside our lounge, and i live rite next to the lounge! i heard them banging in there... i was scared to come out of my room. Stupid people. Who vandalized their own floor? shesh. They were drunk and singin out of tune... it was not pleasant.

2005-01-25T21:30:00.000-08:00

You know what i realized? i have a hard time expressing my true feeling on blogs. lol... except i am rite now... haha, how ironic. i guess, many times its not that i don't have anything to say but perhaps i don't feel safe saying all that i feel. I'm a very direct person, when i say something i usually really do mean it so it's hard for me to say exactly wat i feel knowing that some stranger could be reading this! lol... i'm just a bit paranoid. SO here is my attempt to forget about the stranger reader out there and write sincerely to my friends who care enough when they don't know whats going on in my life to check this blog out. Things have been going well so far this term... a sense of peace, i guess now that i'm home here at waterloo. I realized through the last few times that i've been back at rhccc that yes things have changed. The difference is that before i was truly part of agape and rhccc but now when i go back i'm more of the audience. That made me realize that no longer was my support system agape (as a whole, i mean) but ccf. I'm really looking forward to getting to know everyone at ccf more personally... but my relationships that have been built up at agape is wat has held me together the past term. I'm very grateful of the degree of transparency that our relationships share... that we can make stupid comments and laugh at it together... to do embarassing things with each other. I've decided to take on the Jabez challenge, which is to pray the prayer of Jabez for every morning for the next 30 days and to reread the book once every week for 4 weeks... trying to find the discipline to do this! Keep me accountable! I'm slowly learning to dream

Have you seen the wind?

2005-01-17T20:36:00.000-08:00

Can you catch the wind?

See a breeze?

Its presence is revealed by the leaves on a tree

An image of my faith in the unseen.

It's been quite awhile since i last wrote! hmm... well, so far this term has been better than last term. I guess it's just the way my schedule is, i hv more time to do work and also now i know how things go around here. My classes start a bit later in the day now so i have more time to do devos and i really hope i stay consistent with it! I had a good wknd, got to go home and relax. Finally got to watch edward scissorhands... hehe... it was a good but sad movie tho. I felt so sad when at the end he ended up living in isolation. lol, when i watch movies i really get into them... i guess that's why i enjoy watching almost anything. Alot of things happened since i last wrote but now when i'm here to write abt it, i don't feel like i have anything to write. Sometimes silence is good.

come home running...

2004-12-19T17:43:00.000-08:00

Oh wow... it seems so unreal that my first term is already over. Exams were quite brutal... most ppl in my program had eight exams, including me, and we had one every single day except for sunday. That was so draining... i'm a bit scared to know my marks cuz i know i did bad on some of my exams. Oh well, i'm not gonna think about that, i'm home now! After my last exam i just sat there sorta only half believing that i was all done cuz for the entire exam week going home seemed so far away. i'm so happy to finally get to take a break!

I love Christmas! This is the perfect time to listen to jazzy christmas music and just sit and drink hot chocolate. Feels so cozy inside!

mmm... i'm not really in a writing mood so i'll write more next time.

slowly going insane

2004-12-11T23:15:00.000-08:00

Feeling so bad rite now. I'm missing home, missing my parents... wishing i could tell them everything that's been going wrong and give them a hug. Since the last time i went home i've never felt homesick until now. i guess it's the stress from exams.. and other stuff. i hope i passed the exam i just wrote... half of it i guessed... oh man...

"i'll take this life and lay it down. i'm letting go... i'm letting go..."

I know everything hasn't been really bad, but i'm just in a really upset mood rite now. So i guess at this moment the best thing to do is count my blessings... Well, i did get the override into the english course i wanted. and even if i did bad on one exam i still have another five more to do well on... lol... i guess, i guess. You know, it's so easy to sing 'lord, break me... come break me now...' but when things do go wrong and God does break you, you start crying for it to stop. i know these trials are only temporary and God well help me through it, yet it's still so difficult. Sigh... i'm gonna just take a deep breath now, i don't want to give up.

running after buses

2004-11-28T20:11:00.000-08:00

Today has been the ultimate 'running after buses' day... lol. First, in the morning me and hannah were walking to the columbia townhouses where they pick people up to go to CFC (community fellowship church). Then suddenly i see the bus coming so we started running... oh man, looked so stupid... lol. I've really been enjoying the services at CFC cuz they are so direct and so applicable to my everyday life.
"... But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13, 14
Trying hard to focus on God and run this marathon... we're not meant to crawl with all these burdens that we carry with us on a marathon... we're meant to just run. And boy did we run today... i mean, literally.

The second time I ran after the bus was after service, we came back to the SLC and before going to conestoga mall we had to buy bus tickets and then we decided to buy our lunch first so we could eat on the bus. We walked out and realized we were gonna be late so we started running to catch the bus. One thing: hot drinks = no running... oh man, poor sarah who carried all our drinks... me and hannah were running to catch the bus and all u could hear far behind us 'wait! wait! ahhhhhhhhh! '... it was so funny! sorry sarah, thanks for ur sacrifice! lol... So we got on the bus and then we decided to transfer to another route which would be faster. We get off and realize that the next bus wasn't gonna come for another fifteen minutes so we wanted to get back on to the bus that we just got off... it kinda drove past us... so we ended up waiting for the other bus, lol... anyway, the bus came and we were able to reach conestoga mall safe and soundly... but what a journey... lol. It was such a great day, we went shopping for Christmas presents and then we watched 'the incredibles'. It was such a good movie! so funny... luckily for the bus ride back we didn't need to run.

love break me

2004-11-26T14:14:00.000-08:00

Mark me with Your grace
Shape me in Your wisdom
Place in me a heart
Of mercy
Open up my eyes
Let me see Your glory
Lead me to the place
You want me

Love, break me now
Strip me down
May Your beauty
Deep inside of me resound
Through me be found
Come break me now

Guide me in Your truth
Mold me in Your nature
Birth in me a hope
To hold on
Show me how to wait
Teach me how to listen
Be in me the strength
To let go

Break me now...

Love, hear my plea
Rescue me, bring Your peace
I have come to You on bended knee
I'm desperate for Your breath in me
Your ears to hear, Your eyes to see
Set me free, come set me free

Like rain flowing over me
-----------------------------------------
starfield

random thoughts

2004-11-25T16:37:00.000-08:00

This week was nice... it wasn't exciting or like 'wow!'... but i felt very peaceful. I'm just really glad that assignments and labs have died down and i can now take a breath! Last weekend was just pure work... so hardcore that it wasn't much of a weekend. Still midterms to go!

I really can't believe that I've almost done half of my first year in university! honestly, summer felt like just yesturday... everything from september til now just seemed to go by in a blur. At the beginning of university i questioned myself whether my decision was right to come to UW cuz it seemed that my dream of being an optometrist was just so far, so far... but you know what i realized was that sometimes its not your destination that matters, it's about the journey. You know, everyone makes a big deal about, oh you're in biomed... wow... (nerd)... lol... or 'engineering'... another gasp... lol. But this stuff isn't going to matter at the end, our existence wasn't meant to be weighed like this. Still don't know what i'm gonna become, but not lost because i know i'm in God's hands. Hence, life on autopilot again... you can read my first entry if you don't get what i'm talking about.

I wanted to come home this weekend but i can't cuz my parents aren't gonna be around for most of the weekend so they told me there's no point of me coming home. So, i guess i'll have to stay till Christmas... at the beginning i wanted to go home alot but now it's okay, i'm enjoying it here. While i've been here at loo i've realized how much I survive on music. It is such a big mental, emotional and stress relief for me and i never thought i'll miss practicing piano for two hours everyday but i do.

Last night me, sarah, my roommate, and some other of our friends came to our place and we watched really really old chinese movies... it was hilarious! oh, what entertainment we discover here! lol...

Oh yeah, for those who don't know my room is the first room on the floor and me and sarah end up having to open the door all the time cuz people either forget their keys or they're visiting people. I've got only one thing to say: knock and the door will be opened. there is absolutely no need to bang and shake the door! lol.. ok, done my venting... i shall go now. lol

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

2004-11-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

It's snowing! yay! I love winter, even though it's cold but I love the warm, jolly feeling that comes with this season. Time to take our the winter decorations! hehe... oh yeah, last friday after my chem test i had to go to the PAS (the psych building) to let a grad student practice conducting the WAIS test, which is a intelligence test. oh, and by the way the PAS is such a confusing building, it's so easy to get lost! i always wondered if they're conducting some 'underground' experiment with hidden cameras to see how people react when faced with a maze... do they just keep walking, or do they look for the map? lol... or maybe i'm just making this all up. anyway, so for two and a half hours i sat there and the grad student just kept asking me question after question... and honestly, i've never felt so stupid in my life!!!! it's not even funny! i knew some of these questions where supposed to be common sense and really simple but i couldn't answer them! i think i prob looked really drained and dazed too cuz he kept asking me if i needed a break, lol... i wish they'll tell me my score but they said they can't cuz he's not a professional yet... and then again perhaps i don't really want to know, lol. After that i stopped by sarah's place and we played chinese checkers! hehe... here is us thinking hard about our next move, lol.

shine for you

2004-11-24T13:38:00.000-08:00

One thing I know
is that You've changed my life
I give You my all
all You are is good

Give You my heart
cause it's only You I seek
give You my praise
cause I believe in You

Look across the world
and let us shine for You, Lord
the whole world is Yours and I
want to live for You, oh God

All that I know
is that You've changed my life
I give You my all
All You are is good

Carry the lost
make my prayer in this life real
carry my cross
hold on 'til I see You
I want to live
I want to love You more
I want to be used

Father in all of the world
may Your word be heard
may it stay on my lips
to live what I speak
until Your kingdom come
----------------------------------
words and music by Marty Sampson

2004-11-21T11:07:00.000-08:00

fiddling with the webcam

an 'adult' now

2004-11-10T06:59:00.000-08:00

Today is the fourth day that i've been eighteen... still feel like a kid, hehe... i had such an awesome weekend, and i just realized how blessed i am to have such a great family and so many friends that showed that they cared and showered me with their love. I came back to waterloo on sunday night and i really didn't expect anything cuz technically my birthday was over... but when i opened the door to my room i found it all decorated with ballons and a moulin rouge poster, it was such a nice surprise. but that wasn't it, after i showered and was getting ready to sleep and the door opens and i was surpised again with my friends singing happy birthday and holding a ice cream cake. It was so nice and thoughtful! Thank you, guys! I had a fun weekend, but now it's time to catch up with work! oh man... i had my calc test on monday which i really don't think i did well on... there's this constant struggle to just do my best and not put so much stress on numbers... i guess, this is all just part of the experience... Since the time i've come too loo i found that time at uni passes at a totally different pace. It's really weird, cuz in high school when i was at home i could get things done by a certain time and then go watch tv... hehe, it's all about tv... lol... but now, it always feels like there's not enough time but i don't feel like there's been more work, it feels like time just passes faster here...

Life on Auto Pilot

2004-11-04T16:46:00.000-08:00

hmm... today was a rainy day at waterloo. Hoping tomorrow the sun will come out again. "Majesty... majesty... Your grace as found me just as I am... empty headed but alive in Your hands... We sing, majesty... majesty... Forever I am changed by Your love... in the presence of Your majesty." I always found this song so touching, to realize that God's love is so great for us... that even we have nothing, God still loves us so much. Sometime with school and everything i feel like, why am I doing this? is it for money? to be 'successful' one day? But then everytime i listen to this song, i'm reminded that even if i'm stripped from everything and i am what the world considers a 'failure', God will still have His arms open wide to me. It's such a hard thing to do but i'm working at it... to allow God be the drive of my life. Hence, life on auto pilot...